Hey, sweet girl. If you’re at the beginning of your divorce process, you may not know about the collaborative divorce process and that its an available option to you instead of hashing it all out in court. While it’s not the right option for everyone, you should definitely consider the path of collaborative divorce.  When I met with my attorney for the first time, she introduced me to this process, and after speaking with my now ex-husband, we decided that it was the right choice for us to pursue our divorce settlement. Read on to see if maybe this is an option for you.

What Is Collaborative Divorce?

The collaborative divorce process is an alternative to divorce litigation and even divorce mediation.  Litigation puts all of the decisions of the divorce in the court’s hands, whereas mediation uses a single unbiased person as an intermediary to help both spouses together come to an agreement on all aspects of the divorce. Alternatively, during the collaborative divorce process, each spouse and their own attorney work together toward finding mutually beneficial decisions creating a “win win” settlement versus a “win lose” settlement. 

Collaborative divorce lawyers are specifically trained in the collaborative process and highly skilled in managing conflict, guiding negotiations, and addressing the needs of both spouses. The biggest downside of the collaborative divorce process is that if the negotiations break down to the point where you abandon the process and you need to go to court, neither attorney nor anyone from their firms is allowed to represent either of you.

Process Overview of Collaborative Divorce

The general process involves individual meetings with your own separate attorneys, meetings with all four of you where issues are dealt with one by one, and potentially meetings with other professional help such as financial planner, child psychologist, parenting coordinator, mental health professionals, coaches, and real estate agents. Every person involved in the process sign a collaborative participation agreement that states that you will not go to court and that each party will provide full transparency and disclosure.

Once that agreement has been signed, the process is off and running. You will have multiple meetings to negotiate everything you need to cover in your divorce settlement from financial aspects to co-parenting plans.  

Once all the information has been negotiated and agreed upon, the attorneys will draft a legally binding document that will be signed by both spouses and filed in court where a judge will pronounce the spouses officially divorced.

If, for some reason, there is an issue that can’t be settled, the couple can present that point to the court alongside their negotiated settlement to allow the court to decide for them.

The Benefits of Collaborative Divorce

On top of providing legal protection for both spouses, there are quite a few benefits of the collaborative divorce process.

• There will usually be a greater attention to the specific needs of your family. Like I said earlier, if the process breaks down and you have to go to litigation, you will need to find a new attorney. Because of this, the attorneys involved have a vested interest to keep the process moving forward. Yes, they want your money and this is great for you – they will work hard to keep you as their clients and reach an amicable agreement.

• You will have access to specially trained professionals for every step of your process. This ensures that you will get a thorough review of all of the issues at hand. You can be assured that these specialists will make sure that you understand all the aspects of each issue. And, like your attorneys, it is in these specialists’ best interest to help you reach a mutually agreeable settlement.

• While the collaborative divorce process isn’t inexpensive, it does allow you to avoid expensive (and potentially lengthy!) litigation. In the long run, it is likely that the collaborative divorce process will be less costly than litigation.

• Since you’re not in court, you’re able to move at your own timeline.  This is huge, because you can focus on long term interests, not just short term interests. Of course, it may not always be comfortable in meetings with attorneys and specialists, but there is less pressure to make quick decisions. You have time to talk, talk to decide what is better for your family in the long run, and that usually leads to a settlement that both spouses will feel good about.

• You control the outcome of your divorce.  During the negotiations, you are able to resolve your disputes, rather than letting a judge who has no clue about what is best for your family decide for you. You are able to create a custom settlement that is especially helpful for people who are in situations that are more complex like custody agreements, businesses, and complex assets.

• Collaborative divorce allows for both spouses to feel good about the settlement that they agree upon. The negotiations were completed in a way that addresses the needs of both parties and what is best for your family, so usually both spouses feel that the agreement is fair.  In addition, litigation doesn’t take into account the emotional aspects of divorce. Collaborative divorce allows for mental health professionals and coaches to be used that will help each spouse move through the trauma of divorce and create open modes of communication between the spouses.  Each spouse can walk away feeling confident that the settlement is in the best interest of the entire family as a whole.

• All of these things combined allows for the spouses to end the divorce process with a working relationship.  Having a functional relationship combined with a mutually agreeable settlement allows both spouses to have a game plan for the future and continue to maintain their family unit, even in separate homes. 

Is Collaborative Divorce Right For Me?

According to the article Is Collaborative Divorce Right For You? From Divorce Magazine, there are ten questions to help you determine if you’re a good candidate for collaborative divorce. In my experience, I found that being willing to put the good of my family above whatever hurt I was feeling, wanting to create our own solutions, and having neutral information about how the financial decisions we made could impact us in the short-term and in the long-term were the biggest reasons why I wanted to pursue the collaborative divorce process. When you check out their list of questions, you will get a really good idea of if you’re a good candidate for the collaborative divorce process.

Keep in mind that to have a successful divorce process, you really should explore the different ways that you can divorce. Collaborative divorce requires both spouses to agree to be fully transparent and want to do the collaborative process. If you’re in a situation such as domestic violence or one spouse is going to be intentionally deceptive, the collaborative process is not the appropriate choice. If both spouses are on board with the process and willing to be fully transparent, then the collaborative process is a good choice to consider.

If you’d like to discuss how I can coach you through your collaborative divorce process, please click here to schedule a call to see if we would be a good fit.